The irony is deafening
Let me set the scene. I drive home via the same street every night from class. When you are familiar with a certain route, some details of your surroundings tend to get lost. I remember seeing a certain billboard a few weeks ago, but I don’t think I read it or at least I didn’t pay attention to it. So color me surprised when I was stopped at a red light and re-read the billboard.
Billboard: a large sign-like display to promote goods
So whose bright idea was it to put an advertisement for the Perkins Braille & Talking Book Library on a billboard. The promotion is neither in braille nor is it talking! Plus, blind people shouldn’t be driving, let alone driving AND being distracted by a billboard. It’s like advertising DEAF on the radio…it doesn’t make sense. You might be saying well someone will see it and tell a blind friend about it. Hardly anyone pays attention to billboards (except if you are at a red light) and by the time the person gets home, there is barely a chance they will remember the billboard, let alone any of its information. Maybe the advertisers at DEAF should hire the marketing manager from Perkins!
Really Conan….Really?
In the past couple of weeks there has been great devastation in the world. Earthquakes have hit all around and thousands have died. So when I hear that Conan wouldn’t leave NBC without a rather substantial paycheck, my stomach kinda flip flopped. Today the news finally announced that the total check is somewhere around $45 MILLION. With just THAT check he could probably BUY Haiti! Doesn’t he think that is a little excessive in today’s world? Since 2002, Conan has been getting $8.5 million per year which means his final check is almost as much as in the last eight years. I’m not sure how many years were left on his contract but I doubt it was worth that much. Maybe it’s just me being my ever-generous self, but I hope that Conan gives a good portion of his final check to some charity.
A week ago the amount was $30 million, so I’m thinking it would be fair if he gave away $15 million to charities or to those in need. Because we all know he’s gonna be making some millions from a book deal or two and I’m sure he will have another show at some point. Although I guess he has to pay for all of his hair gel and skinny ties!
What have we done!?!?
Tomorrow is the day that trumps Valentine’s Day in pounds of chocolate sold. (I basically made that up, but it has to be true!) Halloween when parents let their kids go door to door and beg for sweets which will eventually give them a sugar coma later that evevning, the kids AND the parents. When I was little I remember coming home and dumping out my bounty on the living room floor. All of the colors of the rainbow were represented: yellow with Dots, orange with Butterfinger, brown with Tootsie Rolls, red with Kit Kats, etc. It was a glorious time for all involved. Of course I had to restrain myself from digging in because Dad would need to check for razor blades and pin holes. Looking back I now realize that he just wanted first dibs on the Milky Ways, but I’m sure his dad did the same thing to him on Halloween, so he earned it. So you may be asking, “This is a nice stroll down Memory Lane and all, but what’s your point?” To be honest, I miss the days when schools allowed Halloween and Christmas parties with goodies galore.
Now, when my dad decided to bring in goodie bags for all of his little goblins, he was told to take out all of the candy. It’s a peanut free school. WHAT?! What have we done over the past generation or two that has made kids so allergy-ridden? I say, when a kid can eat solid foods give him a scoop of Jif peanut butter to build up his tolerance. Why does EVERY kid need to suffer when ONE kid has an allergy. Literally, there is one kid in the entire school that has the allergy, but God forbid (it’s a Catholic school so that’s fine to say) the other kids benefit from a teacher’s generosity! The candies were individually wrapped then put in plastic goody bags and sealed and were going to be given out with the instructions to be opened at home. I think the kids should have a choice. If they wanted a goody bag then they should be offered the chance to take one. Just because there is a possibility that a piece of the individually wrapped, then bagged, then sealed candy might have been processed in a plant with nuts, all the fun is taken away. So keep the allergic kid home from school that ONE day…I’m sure he/she knows how to work an Epi-pen by now. (Too harsh?)
So I say, let’s go back to days of yore with Paydays, and Snickers and Peanut M&Ms and bring on the apples from the old ladies…because in those days the razor blades wouldn’t ruin Halloween for everyone!
For a scary costume...stick one of these on your kid!
And just so you know, I’m aware that some kids are so allergic that they can’t even walk by peanuts and I’m sure it is an AWFUL allergy to have, but I don’t see why the other kids need to miss out!
Turning The Jack5ons in to The Jack$ons
When Michael Jackson died, the worlds of music and entertainment lost an originator and an icon. MJ was one of a kind and will never be reproduced. Now that all of the nicey nice things are out of the way, why does one of the richest families feel the need to benefit from their brother’s/child’s death? Now if and when This Is It comes out on DVD, I will be one of the first to Netflix it…this isn’t where I have the issue. The purpose of the tour was to bring the music to the people/fans, so I have no issue with making money off of it, afterall MJ left 3 kids and at least 1 chimp to support.
What turned my stomach was seeing a commercial for The Jack5ons: A Family Dynasty on A&E. One of the clips is all the remaining brothers (Jermaine, Tito, Jackie, Marlon, Donatello, Michaelangelo, Donner, Blitzen) getting out of a limo in some tacky black suits and shiny satin shirts smiling for paparazzi, loving the limelight. Earth to the Jackson family….no one cares about anyone besides Janet and Michael (unless you want a psychic reading from Latoya)! At the funeral everyone and their moms asked “Who the heck is Rebbie?” and where did they keep her all of this time…rundown Neverland? Just because you were in the headlines for a few weeks (remember? your brother died? ringing any bells?) doesn’t mean you are now the “it” family again or that people want to know about your secret lives.
Now if you did this while all of the Jackson 5ers were still with us, you would have a true audience. Now though, the show will be like a car wreck, something you don’t want to watch but can’t take your eyes off of. I feel bad for the Jacksons for the tragedies that have fallen on their house, but I think it’s disgusting that they feel the need to line their pockets from death. Am I a little harsh…why yes I would say so. Would I say this if any of the Jacksons came knocking on my door, probably not. Would I ask what brand of shellac Jermaine uses to keep his helmet hair in place, absolutely!
A gym contract has become a prison sentence
…with no possibility of parole. So my question is why have a gym membership contract? Wouldn’t it save a lot of paper if they just tattooed each member with PROPERTY OF WOW! for LIFE? A back sized tattoo would probably be a whole lot less painful than trying to get out of a contract!
A few months ago I really hurt my wrist and was told to avoid the gym at all costs (more or less) little did I know how much avoiding the gym was going to cost a pretty penny. For four months now I have been back and forth with WOW!s financial company ABC. And even though they see I am trying to cancel (and have notes to prove it) they are still charging me. And of course they don’t do anything faster than trying to make molasses move in winter.
I fax something over and then call to see if they received it “yep, everything looks fine,” then I get a letter in a WEEK saying that everything is not fine and by the way you owe us more money for next month. OK, I refax with the changes they request and when I call I make sure they actually read the documents..”this should fix it” they say. Great! Two weeks pass in a flash and I’m thinking I have finally canceled my membership when wouldn’t you know I get ANOTHER letter. FREAKIN A! Now instead of just a doctor’s note describing the injury, now all of a sudden the note needs to say I have a ”substantial or permanent disability.” Yet my contract said a doc’s note would suffice. Maybe the whole ”substantial or permanent disability” small type was in invisible ink because it certainly is NOT in my contract. And because ABC is technically a different entity I can’t get the satisfaction of going somewhere and yelling at someone, unless I want to fly to Podunk, OK. Which at this point is sounding pretty good!!!!!! So now not only do I owe my membership fees but late fees as well because they drag their feet like they are in lead shoes.
Just so you know, I called two days ago and Chevelle said she would take care of it and was super sweet. Then the mail comes today…guess who I got a letter from? ARGH
Just say NO to WOW!
Time for a change…I need your help!
I’m going to break from my usual wittiness to ask for your help. This may be a long entry so get comfy!! You see a few months ago my company had the audacity to up and go bankrupt (THE NERVE 
) but it was really something we saw coming for a while. I had the great idea to hastily pull together an application for grad school. At first glance the program had me written all over it! In ONE year I would have a Master’s in Psychology, the school is close enough to commute and I could study anything I wanted as a thesis. But now, I find that most of that was skewed by my rose colored glasses. The truth is it is more or less a pre-PhD program. The title “general psychology” is a misnomer to a T. Instead of “general psychology” it should be called a degree in “research, statistics and more research with no opportunity to pick any other classes besides those which are required and oh yeah, you aren’t going to learn anything you aimed to learn.”
To some research is a fabulous pastime full of statistics and hours in the lab and library all to solve for one answer. Research is a)not my strong suit b)not want I want to go on to when I graduate and c)not really teaching me any of the subjects I want to learn. I will admit that because the heavy math focus is out of my normal bubble that I would learn something. There ain’t no denying that, but the issue is, do I want to? I am now at the point in my life when I can grab my future by the horns and make of it what I WANT not necessarily what it should seem to be. So why is it such a big decision when in essence the answer is either stay or go? Why is it so hard for me to say “You know what, I’m not learning about the topics I thought I was going to…so I’m out of here?” I don’t know the answer. So here is my dilemma, I have made lists upon lists of reasons to stay and go, but there isn’t a majority on either side. I am literally STUCK in the middle. If I stay, I will struggle with 2 semesters of statistics and 1 of methods, not learn about social psychology, spend time on a thesis which I doubt I will ever use again and be miserable for a year. On the other hand if I stay: I will have a Master’s in one year, will learn things I never thought I would and meet some interesting people. But because there isn’t a “wow” reason on either side of the coin I am in a state of limbo that occupies my mind every minute of every day.
I recognize that I am scared of what could be if I stay. So I want to make sure that if I leave, I don’t leave for the wrong reasons (because of what other people will thing, because it’s too much work, etc). But if I stay I want the feeling to be 100% (which nothing besides death is). I really am at a crossroads where one direction leads me to walk over hot coals while writing 4 research projects and juggling knives while the other direction sends me down an emotional and occupational gauntlet while I am set on fire. NOW do you see why this isn’t easy!? Not to sound cocky, but I know that I am smart and I got in for one reason or another, but that isn’t good enough for me for some reason. ARGH is all I have to say!! So to sum up what is going on in my head: it’s like I’m spinning and spinning and then I stop but my eyes are still googly and no direction seems to be the right one and I feel like I’ll fall if I take a step in any direction and there is no one to blame but me and yet no one to catch me. Sounds dramatic, but I think it’s a good description!!
Ha! You Can’t See me!
I have a problem (OK more than one but we are trying to stay on topic) with camouflage. It hasn’t done anything to me personally and I doubt it ever will, but it’s on my list. I understand why we have it, what purpose it serves and where it is appropriate to wear it (i.e. combat or jungles), what I don’t get is how it came to be mainstream. I mean, how do the hicks with the camo seat covers in their pick up trucks know where to sit if their seats are camouflaged? If the pattern is serving its purpose it is hiding the seats from plain view, right? Also, please tell me where is the right place for one to wear PINK camo? The only circumstance I can think off is a sneak attack on a pepto bismol plant.
Hickville child abuse
Next. Who designs this stuff? I understood in Desert Storm when the camo had fake flies on it, eventhough that is adding a bit much of artistic flair, the two things I don’t get is 1)since when did camo become pixelated and 2)why does the Navy wear camo? If I’m walking in the jungle, I doubt I will find any twigs, leaves or trees that are square shaped, was the camo not working so they decided to go a different route altogether? [Please remember all of these questions are supposed to be rhetorical, I don't want you screaming out answers at your computer screen! ] Now I am no expert on water warfare so maybe that is the reason I don’t get the Navy wearing camo, but here is the question, if you fall off of a ship the LAST thing you want to be wearing is something that makes you blend in with the water and look like a floating head! Maybe the camo-making company can devise some sort of material that when it is submerged it turns from blue camo to dayglo orange camo? Now we’re talking.
And to the guys who wear camo hunting, yes that is your decision to kill poor defenseless Bambi, but last time I checked Bambi and Thumper weren’t roaming around a suburban shopping mall so why the need to wear camo pants to Kohls? Do you think “Maybe if I cover myself in head to toe camo that no one will see this 4 slice toaster under my jacket!”? Newsflash boys and girls WE CAN SEE YOU!
Last but not least who thought this was a good idea?!
These things can NOT be rushed
It seems like everybody, their mother and their veterinarian have a blog so it’s no surprise to me that the “not-blogging yet” set are ADD when it comes to new postings. “When’s the next one?” or “You haven’t posted in 13 hours and 57 minutes, is everything OK!?” are questions us bloggers hear regularly. We are not machines people!! We need inspiration, a muse if you will, to write a fulfilling post. If I wanted to post every 15 minutes I would just copy and paste all of the spam comments I receive (which would make this a celebrity porn site). But I respect you and trust, instead of trust let’s go with hopeful, that your minds are not in the gutter 23 hours out of the day. So please, be gentle with us, get us a nice cold drink maybe a foot massage and know that we are working hard, albeit slowly, to get you some quality material. Personally, I’ll take a Diet Pepsi or iced coffee light with two equal…..k thanks
People do stupid things when stuck in traffic
We’ve all been there, cruising along the highway when you run into a sluggish wall of taillights. You were in the groove, with the windows down and your music on thinking you were going to make it to your destination in record time. Then comes poor city planning. It is someones bright idea to work on rte 93 going into Boston on Friday and Saturday nights 8PM-5AM. Not only due construction, but whittle four lanes of traffic into one. They would have happier drivers if they just kept it during the week, but who am I to try to make the people happy. Silly, silly me!
Back to the point, it’s a Friday night and people have the goal of heading in to Boston for a few drinks (to get drunk), a nice dinner (consisting of bar fare), or maybe a show (seeing drunk people claim they are “completely sober”). Some of my fellow traffic-goers may have already started the evening (passengers I hope) with their favorite beverage. I know at least one gentleman was in this group, because I heard him tell the cop he was “completely sober.” So you may ask, how did I see all this in bumper to bumper traffic? Well I’ll tell you. I just switched lanes and was waving thanks to the flashy Beamer behind me when out jumped the passenger. This Mensa student decided he was going to walk to Boston, because it would be faster. Gee, why didn’t I think of that? Could it be because we were about 10 miles from Boston on a HIGHWAY at NIGHT?! I laughed because I have the habit of laughing at stupid people, but I stopped when I saw the blue lights. Now I can’t be sure if the arrival of the 5-0 was coincidence or someone called them , but nonetheless it provided some entertainment.
The cruiser is coming up the breakdown lane and turns on his lights, Mensa is still walking, the cruiser is about 100 yds away, dude is still walking. The walker must have been really set on walking in to Boston because he only noticed the cops when they honked. And what does this highly intelligent being do? Jog over to the cruiser. Yes, I’m sure that is what cops love to see, someone running at their cruiser on a busy highway in the dark. At this point, ALL of my windows are down and my radio is off just to be nosy. I can hear snippets of their convo, something like-Mensa: “I’m fine, completely sober” Cop:”You an idiot?’ M: “No, just walking…” and then a noisy truck pulled up and I couldn’t hear anything else. Bastard, get a tune up. The next thing I know, the smarty pants is jogging back to his own car where the driver has graciously pushed open the door. ( I’m thinking next time the driver should probably put on the child locks. ) And off went Mr. Officer. If I were the cop I would have recommended the guy play in traffic…dressed in black….when the cars are going 70mph, but then again, I’m just a person in traffic with nothing better to do.
Deodorant goes on BEFORE the gym
Gyms are not the most spacious of areas. Usually, the treadmills and ellipticals are practically stacked on each other and the weight machines are so close to the neighbor they barely touch. Personally, I value my personal bubble. Yes, I am the girl that will look for an elliptical with one or two open on either side allowing me my personal space. Unfortunately for me, that bubble is not impenetrable, especially by odor. The boy in the bubble had the right idea with his own air supply! Anyway, there I am sweating away at the gym and minding my own business when my Spidey senses go off. A wisp of onion tinted body odor floats my way.
On the off chance that it was me, I take one of the secret sniffs. You know the kind, when you bring up the collar of your T-shirt to wipe your face, but you are really checking to see if you are stinky. It wasn’t me, I was Secret Shower Fresh, so I peer around. No one to my left but to my right…5 machines down..was a guy with the fan pointed right at him. And lucky me, I was down wind. I was 3/4 of the way done so I wasn’t about to change machines. So I became a mouth breather. For some reason the idea of the icky air going in my mouth was better than having to inhale the man’s stench, at least I could wash it out with some Crystal Light.
Now, I know some people may be allergic to deodorant/anti-perspirant, but there has to be an alternative. Spray yourself with room spray, Febreeze, or keep dryer sheets in your armpits, do ANYTHING that will take the edge off of your personal fragrance while enhancing the air for the rest of us! Because if you have ever shared space with a person with BO, you know those scent molecules become superglued to your nostrils and you are stuck with the smell for at least a couple of hours.
Now I know this is touch to remember but the routine goes deodorant, clothes, gym, shower, deodorant….lather, rinse, repeat.
