This one’s for the ladies…
Welcome to fall! The time has passed for white shoes, sun dresses and tanning (outdoors at least). We are staring winter right in the face and it’s not a pretty picture. Out come the sweaters, the Uggs, and the wool blankets and ::Poof:: those warm breezes and margaritas are just images dancing in the smoke of the fireplace. So I beg of you do not forget the essential beauty of rite of warmer days…the pedicure (well that and shaving). Your little piggies may be all warm and cozy tucked away in wool socks, but that doesn’t mean they don’t need a little love.
During the winter months your toes need to show themselves, get some fresh air and stretch and without sand or fresh cut grass to dig into, you need to have an alternative. Being locked away in the dark recesses of snow boots can really hurt the self esteem of your lil wiggle worms. So every once in a while, let’s say 6 weeks, walk your chilly bum over to your nearest nail salon (because everyone needs a little pampering), kick of your ski boots and treat your toes to some lovin’. While you are enjoying the massaging chair and soap operas on the salon TV, your footsies will get a nice scrub and rub and they get all dressed up in their OPI best. So the next time they make an appearance in the dark days of the coming months you will be pleasantly surprised and your spirits will be uplifted by the unexpected pop of color. After all, these are the only ten toes (or twelve for some of you) you have…you should take good care of them. And for all of you guys who read this post totally disregarding the title, I recommend pedis for guys too…I would just avoid a colored polish. Just think, how would you explain having toes painted “I Pink I Love You?!”
I don’t get the bathtubs?
Here is a question for you…why do Cialis commercials ALWAYS show people in separate bath tubs in random locations? ALWAYS. I am no marketing or symbolism guru, but I like to think that I “get” advertising. I know why in car commercials the ground is always wet (to make the car seem shinier) and why in grocery stores the store/cheaper brand is on the low shelves (people are more apt to buy items at eye level) but I don’t see the meaning of two claw foot tubs.
Since it is an ED commercial (sorry for the sore subject guys) why not show a couple snuggling in a blanket or sneakily creeping away to their room or a tent, something close to realistic. I’ve been in neighborhoods with all types of things in the yard: cars on blocks, playhouses, HUGE sculptures and even a human size checkerboard, but never have I seen two claw footed bathtubs with running hot water. Because when you think about it even if you did have those tubs in your yard, soaking in cold hose water isn’t very tempting and not good for guys anyway. Why not, I don’t know, use a hot tub…or would that be too risqué for a commercial urging people to do the horizontal tango whenever “the moment hits”? But let’s go imagine a likely scenario….you look out your window and “oh gosh golly” there are your middle aged neighbors buck naked in their backyard in his and hers clawfoot tubs. But the car crash effect takes place and you can’t get yourself to look away because now one of them is moving. [Feel free to imagine the male or the female]. As Neighbor A (now referred to as A) starts to get out of the tub you realize how not sexy getting out of a tub can be (that and A is completely pasty white). A’s feet keep slipping in the tub, water sloshing everywhere, hands slipping on the sides of the tub…totally not sexy or subtle for that matter. Then comes the transfer to Neighbor B’s tub just a few inches away. There’s slippage, more water sloshing around, and a very unsexy pose when A has one foot in each tub and once A is in the tub all the water is pushed out….one breeze and well…it gets chilly. Yeah, sounds like a very “productive” evening, woo freakin hoo. All I’m saying is….a hot tub or even a kiddie pool would be more believable! lol
I don't get it!
More comfort please
Today I find myself sitting at the dmv waiting to renew my license. First let me share my shock of having to pay $75 for a license that they didn’t even spend the effort on reminding me I need to renew. Before I leave my house I check online to see what the waiting times are and boy was I surprised when it was a 46s wait in Wilmington. Of course by the rime I get all gussied up and get to the place the wait has inflated to 27 minutes. I’m just thankful that I am not facing the hour plus wait predicted in revere.
Now, to get me to my point… This DMV is well lit and clean which is a huge change from 5 years ago! The one thing I have to gripe about is the uncomfortable seating. When you think about it the DMV isn’t a place you are in and out of Ina jiffy. It is a known fact that you shouldn’t plan to spend less than 30 minutes waiting. So i sit my butt on one of the benches to assume the waiting position and what do I find? The epitome of uncomfortable seating! Well I’m sure sitting on a flaming cactus would probably be more uncomfortable what are the chances of you actually sitting on one. Walking in I would have assumed that all the butts that have planted on these benches would have worn away some kind of molded butt impression but no. (no pun intended) I can’t understand why the DMV wouldn’t invest in comfier benches knowing that people will be spending a good amount of time on them. I’m not saying they need to recline and massage just something a little squishier. They can rest assured that people won’t want to hang out because they are comfortable. Just think of the increase in smiling faces and pleasant interactions…cus when someone’s tush is happy they are happy!
A gym contract has become a prison sentence
…with no possibility of parole. So my question is why have a gym membership contract? Wouldn’t it save a lot of paper if they just tattooed each member with PROPERTY OF WOW! for LIFE? A back sized tattoo would probably be a whole lot less painful than trying to get out of a contract!
A few months ago I really hurt my wrist and was told to avoid the gym at all costs (more or less) little did I know how much avoiding the gym was going to cost a pretty penny. For four months now I have been back and forth with WOW!s financial company ABC. And even though they see I am trying to cancel (and have notes to prove it) they are still charging me. And of course they don’t do anything faster than trying to make molasses move in winter.
I fax something over and then call to see if they received it “yep, everything looks fine,” then I get a letter in a WEEK saying that everything is not fine and by the way you owe us more money for next month. OK, I refax with the changes they request and when I call I make sure they actually read the documents..”this should fix it” they say. Great! Two weeks pass in a flash and I’m thinking I have finally canceled my membership when wouldn’t you know I get ANOTHER letter. FREAKIN A! Now instead of just a doctor’s note describing the injury, now all of a sudden the note needs to say I have a ”substantial or permanent disability.” Yet my contract said a doc’s note would suffice. Maybe the whole ”substantial or permanent disability” small type was in invisible ink because it certainly is NOT in my contract. And because ABC is technically a different entity I can’t get the satisfaction of going somewhere and yelling at someone, unless I want to fly to Podunk, OK. Which at this point is sounding pretty good!!!!!! So now not only do I owe my membership fees but late fees as well because they drag their feet like they are in lead shoes.
Just so you know, I called two days ago and Chevelle said she would take care of it and was super sweet. Then the mail comes today…guess who I got a letter from? ARGH
Just say NO to WOW!
Why is pet food flavored?
Poached salmon, beef stew, country cookout…why do people buy “flavors” for their pets? I must admit, I have not lost sleep over this question. In fact it never even crossed my mind until a day ago when I saw the kitten cleaning herself after she had her dinner. Without getting in to too much detail, she was cleaning her kitty behind licking away with reckless abandon. Here is the stream of consciousness that followed: I wonder if she knows that tastes bad…do cats have taste buds…do they even care what they are eating…if she is content cleaning herself (and by content I mean not gagging) then why the heck do we think she prefers flavored food? Please tell me there aren’t human testers…END
I guess there area a couple angles to the answer.
1. Pets like a change from “butt” flavor
2. Flavors make us convince ourselves that we are not feeding our animals Flipper or Mr. Ed
3. It is just a come on by the pet food industry
While we all know the true answer is probably number 3, I would like to think it is really number 1 (which is kind of gross in itself). Next time you are scooping “Whitefish Delight” or “Turkey Meatloaf Dinner” into Fluffy or Bruiser’s bowl, take a moment to reflect but please don’t sample!!
The “art” of the airport pickup
For all of you people looking for advice on picking someone up in the “wooing” sense…you can stop reading now. I am using pickup in the literal sense meaning someone comes in from a flight and is retrieved by a friend/family member/SO. Here we go…
In no way am I Miss Jetsetter, but I have been known to accumulate some skymiles/points/credits/etc. There is one thing that is always missing…the airport pickup. Sure I have friends and family there to take me home, and it is GREATLY appreciated but then there is the tried and true luxury of a ”homecoming” or “welcome” with a sign, flowers, and maybe even a balloon.
Truth be told this has only happened to me once when the girls and I went to London in January. There was Sio waiting with an red, white and blue sign to say Cheery-Oh and Welcome to London! But there is always the times when I am traveling solo and I get off the plane and there is a crowd of people waiting for their own personal passenger with signs and ballons and “I-can’t-wait-to-see-them-where-are-they” smiles. For a minute you can tell everyone that walks off the gangplank is looking for a familiar face just wishing and hoping that someone they know is in the crowd and ecstatic to see them.
Truth be told we have become too caught up in the traffic of everyday life to consider how special it is that the person made however long a trip to come and see YOU, basically risked life and limb to spend a couple of days in YOUR presence or maybe coming home after a tiring trip. We are obsessed with being on time when we pick someone up we forget how special the arrival is. I’m not saying one has to bring their local marching band, but to go that special extra mile to actually park, scribble a name on a piece of paper and run to the gate or baggage claim…well it makes a big deal. Think of the last time you got off a plane and that fellow passenger did find a familiar face in the crowd. Do you remember how happy they were and giddy that there was this special welcome? Personally, I think $10 for parking is a low price to pay to brighten someone’s day.
